As I watched my son struggle, patiently steadying himself, starting out, wobbling a little, gaining speed, slowing down, wobbling again, toppling over, re-steadying himself, starting out once again, wobbling a little…
I thought, My life is like that.
How many times I set out to do something, I concentrate on steadying myself, I wobble a bit as I finally start out, I even gain some speed, only to lose my balance and come tumbling down to the ground.
Intentions are like that.
I find myself wearing many hats in life. I juggle lots of different things, especially when my husband is on the other side of the globe. I get overwhelmed with the tasks set before me. I lose my focus. And then I lose my balance again.
Expectations are like that.
I get up in the morning sometimes already completely exhausted, drinking my coffee, trying to steady myself for our day, bracing myself for the upcoming cycles of “Piranha Hour” when it seems everyone wants a piece of mom at the same time. I cruise a little way down the road of our day only to lose my balance as I let crankiness and impatience creep into my attitude.
Motherhood is like that.
During the course of our day, I look around at my house and see this:
Although our home usually appears clean as our morning begins, it so easily becomes disheveled with papers, crayons, scissors, crafts, books, food, toys, and more papers. In fact, during the school year, it looks a little like a hurricane has hit our house. It takes so little time for the unbalanced forces of nature to act upon the tidiness of our home.
Housework is like that.
When I was a corporate mom, I struggled with wanting to be home with my husband and children so badly that I felt like I wasn’t doing a good job with anything in my life. I worked such long hours, only to find myself feeling completely crashed on the curb of life, sobbing because my husband and children were becoming strangers to me. I was inadequate at work. I was inadequate at home. At ExxonMobil, we called it Work-Life Balance.
Work is like that.
Sometimes I feel so confident in my ability to teach – my plans are so well laid out, my intentions are so grand, I can actually see my children loving every moment of every day. But then reality sets in, and the experiment doesn’t go as planned, an unexpected mess is made, the toddler won’t go down for his nap, I get tired and cranky. I teeter totter to the left and right and fall over, my intentions splattered all over the ground.
Teaching is like that.
Sometimes I’m cruising happily along at a good speed, and then I start thinking of how I wish I could balance life better. How I long to be a better wife, a better mom, a better teacher, a better friend! I’m not doing enough. I’m not listening enough. I’m not saying enough. I’m not teaching enough. I’m not sacrificing enough.
My thoughts are like that.
Sometimes I catch myself before falling over, but many times I’ve come crashing down. Who is there ready to help me get back up again?
God is.
He is always there. He makes Himself known to me in many ways – through His Word, through the wonderful, nonjudgmental words of a friend, through incredible encouragement from my husband, through loving edification from my own children.
Sometimes He just encourages me to keep going. Sometimes He has to pick me up from the ground and dust me off. Sometimes He has to sit beside me and coax me to get back up and try again. Sometimes, when my confidence is really shaken, He even pushes me down the road a ways, holding me up while He runs right beside me. But He is always there.
As I struggled through a very difficult day, the words from a favorite book came to mind:
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
-Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Life’s a Great Balancing Act.
To be honest, I don’t always step with care and great tact. I’m not all that dexterous and deft. In fact, sometimes I get my right foot mixed up with my left.
I have to admit that sometimes I am NOT balancing life very well. My words come out wrong. I don’t say the right thing at the right time. I forget to ask others how they’re doing. I grumble when I should sing. As embarrassing as it is, I even allow myself to act like a two-year-old and throw a great big temper tantrum, later regretting the fact that I just modeled the wrong behavior for my children (and what in the world do people think when I do this in front of them?!?). All I can say is UGH!
Nevertheless, my confidence is not in me. It is in my God who can do anything beyond what I can even think or imagine (in spite of myself!). I rest assured that He’s called me to the place I am now. I take delight in knowing that I am in the center of God’s will for my life. And regardless of our circumstances at any given time, I have a ton of fun in this little life, even if it’s not always easy. Even if I fall a lot. Even if God has to keep setting me aright. Even if He has to keep helping me to focus on the road ahead.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Philippians 4:8
As I contemplate the art of balancing life, I think about how words matter. Not only what I say, but what I think, what I hear myself say, what I hold in my heart. When I find myself struggling to balance it all, really I have taken control of a life that should be resting in God’s hands. Oftentimes this great balancing act is affected by an unreasonable expectation in my own ability or efforts (or the ability or efforts of those I love). And more often than not, this is simply because I am telling myself something that is not true.
What is true, then? First and foremost, God is real. I have experienced His love, grace and mercy over and over again. God has worked great and mighty things in my life. He took a broken life -one that I marred so completely that I had no hope of recovery on my own. He pieced it back together so beautifully that my life as it is now can only be attributed to Him.
I have known moments of creativity and innovation that could only come from God. I have been graced with peace and joy beyond my circumstances. I have felt His love pour through me to my children when I had nothing at all left to give. I know what it is like for Him to lift me back up when I am hurting. And I have felt what it is to have Him cheering me on when the going gets tough.
So, as I watch my son struggle, patiently steadying himself, starting out, wobbling a little, gaining speed, slowing down, wobbling again, toppling over, re-steadying himself, starting out once again, wobbling a little… I rest in knowing that, just as I am here for my sons, God is right here beside me, caring for me with a deeper love and compassion than I can ever know as a parent, wife or friend.
Regardless of how overwhelmed and off-balance I may get, that is enough for me to keep on pedaling.