Times of discouragement are real. Very real.
It doesn’t matter how miniscule the problem seems to someone else, discouragement and defeat can cloud your vision like nothing else. It can keep you from even wanting to get up in the morning to face another day. It can keep me asking myself over and over again, “Can I bear to face another day of failure?!?”
At times like this, I take comfort in the words of anguish that were penned down for us by King David. The Psalms help me to know that I am not alone in my struggles with life – in my struggles with my SELF. We live in a fallen world of sin, and none of us are exempt from experiencing the pain of a broken, sinful world.
Yes, I have faced a great valley over the past week – one that others may not necessarily understand. After all, it’s not a death in the family. It’s not a terminal illness. It’s not a broken relationship within our family. But it has been a REAL struggle, nonetheless. In my own words:
I keep praying about all of this and just don’t know what to do. I have failed so much this past week. It is hard for me to be a mature adult and get back up, dust myself off and start over again. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and not wake up (and I know it’s selfish for me to think like this! I know it! God, help me!!!) I want to give up… right now. I have just really flubbed up as a parent and as a teacher on so many levels. I am facing a huge mountain of discouragement right now.
Just hours ago, the chasm seemed so deep and wide, and I felt like it was gaping wider and wider with every moment that passed. It had such a grip on me that I was terrorized by my thoughts. I was in a constant state of agonizing prayer, “Lord, help me!”
Now, I am not one to pick up the phone and call someone to talk about my problems. Normally, I like to laugh at myself and laugh at life and all the silliness and ironies therein. I like to find humor in the frustrating stuff because it makes life so much lighter. But what happens when I don’t rise above the situation but fall prey to it? What if I can’t make it into a joke that I can later laugh about? (You mean, that actually happens to you, Brandy? Oh YES! It does!)
I keep thinking how many moms out there are in the same boat, comparing themselves to perfection and utopian worlds that don’t really exist? How many moms feel like I felt just one day ago where I thought I might ruin my children FOR LIFE? And how many would be relieved to know that another mom out there is going through the SAME FRUSTRATIONS, the SAME DOUBTS, the SAME STRUGGLES with SELF, the SAME FEELINGS OF FAILURE.
Oh, how very thankful I am that, in the midst of my despair, we just happened to have our homeschool group’s planning meeting for the next quarter. It is where I first reached out to someone other than my husband (which is something I seldom do. Seriously, going to our planning meeting was a DIVINE APPOINTMENT for me.) It was the first dose of encouragement for me, and since then, God has used these women to identify with me, pray for me, and lift me up with words of encouragement.
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
Psalm 40:1-2
Through this whole ordeal, God has once again shown Himself faithful. I have honestly felt myself lifted up out of the pit today after a week of inner turmoil and despair.
God has ministered to me through…
…words the Holy Spirit inspired me to write months ago. It’s amazing to me that God gave me words then that have become so profound to me now. I have printed these out to read again and again.
…other women who were willing to pray with me, talk with me, weep with me, and just hug me.
I was reminded today that no matter what has happened, good or bad, God can transform it into something good. I KNOW this from my own experience, but sometimes it takes another person to get it through to my heart and mind once again.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
…science experiments.
I know this may sound really weird. But at our homeschool co-op planning meeting for the next quarter, we discussed scriptural applications that ended up having so much to do with what I was going through. (And because of the impact this had, our family later wrote and shared Scriptural applications for several other science experiments.) For example:
- Adding alcohol to water to see how the alcohol fills empty pockets in the water molecules. Just like alcohol fills the empty pockets in the water, God fills the empty pockets in your life (like when your husband is not with you…)
- Comparing an egg in fresh water to an egg in salt water. This lesson “makes me think about what God uses in our lives to hold us up. Sometimes we go through tough times, we might feel like the sinking egg. Have any of you felt sad or down before? {YES!!} When you feel like that, think about the floating egg… God’s truth and His promises are way stronger and more trustworthy (more dense) than the cloudy wisdom of the world! Add God’s Word to your life and you will be lifted up. (Is. 26:3, 2 Peter 1:3-4, James 4:10)”
- Placing a piece of paper into soda. “We are like those little carbon dioxide bubbles. When we have Christian friends and we take care of each other, we will grow to be more like Jesus and rise.”
- Growing salt crystals. “Sometimes in this world you will be hard-pressed and even crushed. But don’t worry because God uses all of the hard times in our lives to produce something beautiful. Just like these salts turned into long, beautiful crystals when the water evaporated, your life will be even more beautiful when you have been through hard times. Remember, God is always working to make you like Jesus. (2 Corinthians 4:7-9).”
…my husband, who is a rock that always points me to THE rock in my life. Not only that, he has a shipment of St. John’s Wort on its way to me – ordered all the way from Tanzania. You have to love Mr. Fixits. I’m so grateful for that man.
And so, I offer this story of my own struggles, just in case – by some chance – it might minister to someone else out there going through a deep valley. You are not alone! I know your struggles are real! And God is bigger than them all! He can transform our mistakes into something good (in spite of ourselves!), and he can – and will – give us victory over the seemingly insurmountable mountain looming in front of us.